I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
