We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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