the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
