I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
