everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Life is so much better after having sex.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
