I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
