Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
