For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
