Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
