butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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