I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
