he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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