she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
