i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
