Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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