its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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