The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
