Can i not drive my cunt home
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
