gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
