I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
