tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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