You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
