seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just invented taco cereal.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Randomize
