wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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