i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
me + whiskey = a bad person
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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