I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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