i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm at about main and main street
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
