just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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