i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
