so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My liver just broke up with me...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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