If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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