He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
God I need to hump something, right now.
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