Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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