I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
