I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
