Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
