I just cut my nipple shaving
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
