So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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