Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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