let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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