Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
