I have demons in me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I cut my penus on the lid.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
