The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
