My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
