God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
