think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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