I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize