So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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