Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
