I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
