While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
