Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
