literally had 100 drinks last night.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
