So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
