i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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