I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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