my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Mom said you looked used
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
dude. I can hear the air.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
