I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
