is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
