So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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