Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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