Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
