Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
farters have to be the big spoon...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize