I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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