you win again, gameday.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
