I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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